Crash Site

I've had this one percolating in my brain for the last few days.  See, that's the thing with the way I deal with grief.  Even though I don't need triggers to take me back to when Caitlin was killed or when Diane died, they still exist and they still take me right back to those events.  And I work through whatever I need to work through in my brain to get some equilibrium back.

This particular trigger came a few days back when this news broke, at least locally, since I never saw it mentioned on TV or in the Chicago papers.  And I thought about doing something with it yesterday, but I didn't want it to get lost in the crush of "it's New Year's Eve so don't drink and drive" posts.  And believe me, I don't mean to denigrate those posts, I think every single one of them helps.  Or at least they don't hurt.

And before you start with the "OMG he's a cop, he should know better" just stop yourself.  Instead, tell me who DOESN'T know better?  I mean yeah, I get it, but c'mon.  Look at who gets DUI's let alone who kills someone driving drunk?  Athletes, actors, politicians, blue-collar types, captains of industry, young, old, black, white, men, women, you name the demographic and it's full of people that have done it.  So spare me the faux outrage because, in this case, it was a cop.

Instead, let's see some real outrage that it happened period.

Due to this latest event, I've spent a lot of time thinking, not only about my own family, but also the family of the 29 year-old woman that was killed.

Happy freakin Holiday.

They're going to be dealing with these memories for the rest of their lives.  Every December, when most of us merrily turn our thoughts to whatever family tradition we may celebrate, they'll be mourning.

So do this.  Pick some family member at random (as opposed to some random family member) and picture your most recent family gathering without them.

And picture every future family gathering without them.

And think about how, because of some completely preventable act by some person, with no sense of anything beyond their own self-importance, took them from you.

And think about how you would cope with that absence.

Because I guarantee you, it's what we do in one manner or another.  Try celebrating the first birthday of a granddaughter that will never know two amazing women.  Or maybe celebrating the wedding day of one of your daughters besties, knowing full well she would have been a part of the day if only...

I could go on and on but you get the picture.  I hope.

So, today, I did something I haven't done in a long time.  Frankly I don't remember the last time I went to the crash site, but I needed to do it today.

I just felt like taking Caitlin some flowers was the right thing to do to get through the burden I've been feeling the last few days.  And when I walked in to the local Jewels the pink bouquet you see kind of jumped out at me.

I'll always remember the first time we went there, even though I'm not certain of the date.  Since we never left the hospital after the crash, until the transplant team came to "harvest her organs" a truly tasteless albeit accurate phrase btw, I'm pretty sure it was four or five days after the crash.  We met Diane's middle brother and a family friend who also happened to be an Elgin cop.  We combed the ditch, picking through the crash debris, looking for Caitlin's class ring.  It wasn't at the hospital but we knew she had it with her.  I remember Tom explaining the crash reconstruction to us by the markings on the roadway.  And I remember when we finally found the ring.  At the Kane County Sheriff's impound lot, where both vehicles were taken to be held as evidence until after the trial.  Two friends of mine from the fire department I started out with brought some extrication tools with in case we needed to open up Caitlin's little Pontiac Sunfire to find the ring.  As it turned out, we didn't need to tear the car apart, the ring was on the floor on the passenger side in, almost, plain view.  Or at least reachable from outside the door.  That ring brought great comfort to Diane, like a tangible piece of Caitlin was back with her.

Those are just some of the memories that have come flooding back to me since I read the article I linked to up top.  I'm choosing to leave it at that because, even though I'm writing this from home today, I'm making the conscious decision not to turn myself in to a blubbering mass right now.  I was teetering on the brink the last few days, but I feel better just having put this much out here.

Sometimes that's all it takes.

Sometimes it takes more.

Peace

The girls volume V

Well, on the heels of all the excitement over the last week, what with the Cubs winning the World Series and... what the heck... it seems like there was something else... Oh yeah, the end of civilization as we know it (just kidding) I almost overlooked the 5th and final episode of everyone's favorite serial blog post.

This is quite ironic actually.

Because today, in addition to being Dalmy's birthday (YAAY Dalmy!) it's also MY birthday.  We've exchanged texts both yesterday and today and acknowledged each other on social media today.  And as I sat here, thanking those that have sent a post of kindness to my page, I realized that I have yet to pay tribute to one of my favorite people on the planet.

From Mel to Sarah to Meg to Ashley with a chaser of Megan's wedding we have shared many laughs and more than a few tears as we think back on how we've come to this point in our lives.  I've said it before and I'll say it again and again until the day I die, I love each of these girls like they're my own flesh and blood.

But now, it's Dalmy's turn.

As with the rest of the girls, I don't remember the first time I met her, but also as with the rest of the girls, I can't imagine her not being around.  I do, however, remember her Mom's homemade tamales.

Oh. Good. Lord.

They were ambrosia in a corn husk.

Excuse me for a few minutes while I get my taste buds back in line.

Ok, I'm back.

I've probably seen more of Dalmy since Diane died than I have any of the other girls.  She was, for more than a little while, at the advent of the smartphone era, my personal technology consultant (whether she knew it or not, lol) and I remember more than one frantic call or text to her wondering how I did something to my phone and asking how I could undo it.  She shepherded me through the whole process with the patience of a caregiver steering a doddering old man (a more accurate analogy than I care to admit) to the dining hall of the senior center.  And the pirate and I went to dinner with Dalmy and John (with an "H") before they got married.  We had a really nice time too.  Plus I seem to recall being at her townhouse when she got Lucien too.

I think, however, my favorite Dalmy memory (with bonus Megan props too!) is probably this...

The Christmas after Diane died, Dalmy and Megan made HUGE holiday greeting cards for the Boy Child and I.

I mean, physically huge.

Like Early Ed art project paper big.

All handmade, with a festive coffee cup filled with candy and a bracelet that had each of their names on it.  They were really very sweet (and I felt horrible when the bracelet finally fell apart).  It put a smile on my face and in my heart at a time when I needed it most.  See, that's the thing about these girls.  They always seem to know when I need an emotional lift.  And when it comes to them, all it takes is a text, phone call or social media post to get my spirit right.

Since I'm in the high-rise district today, I want to wrap this literary treasure up.  So I'll close simply by saying this.

Happy, happy birthday Dalmy!  I love you!

Peace

The Girls volume III

Well, technically I didn't promise anything, but at this point, I feel like I may as well have...

So here goes.  Continuing the theme from this beauty it's time to pay props to another of Caitlin's besties.

Yay Meg!

She's the one that's responsible for the theme actually, since her "Save the Date" note was the trigger.

So blame her.

Kidding!

I haven't yet met Megs significant other, though I've heard a little bit about him, but there's another thing that's really got me jacked up...  This is the first time I'll be able to hang with all of the girls in roughly 6,288 years.

Ok, that might be a little bit of an exaggeration.  But the truth is it has been a long time.  We've tried to get together a couple times over the years, but it's tough.  Everyone has a life to lead.  Myself included.

What?  You thought I just sat around all day long trying to come up with blogworthy topics?  Please.

But I digress.

I think, for the most part, we got everyone together for the W5kfC's over the years.  There were a few times when one or the other of the girls was out of state, and the occasional college graduation ceremony, but I think for the most part they were all faithful attendees.  Of course, those days were kind of hectic for all of us, the girls were all active participants in set up and running the event, so there wasn't a lot of time to catch up.  In reality I don't think there'll be much time for catching up at the wedding either, but I suspect we'll be able to chat a little bit.  And I'm telling you right now ladies, there better be a photo op for all of us.

Just sayin...

My recollections of Megan when they were kids is this.  She wasn't usually the one that was around when mischief found it's way into their circle.  Which leads me to believe one of two things...

A.) Megan was the voice of reason (possible) or

B.) Megan was smart enough to stay in the background when sh*t hit the fan (probable) or

C.) Megan was the bus tosser in the group.  You know, "I told them this was a bad idea but..."

Ok, that's three things, you don't like it, write your own blog.

I intend to find this out, now that I've openly considered it, I need answers.  Besides, the statute of limitations has expired on any of their shenanigans so...

Alright world, it's Laundry Day (Yaay!) so I'm ending this one quickly.

Megs, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  I love you and I'm sooo happy for you, can't wait to see you on your wedding day!

Peace.