As regular readers are aware, I've gotten significant mileage from our steady (some would say unending) stream of new guys at work. For proof you need look no further than here or here or here and my point is proven. Fwiw, Wes, the second "here" above, has the distinction of being #2 on my list of all-time page views.
By, like, ten percent over number three.
So you've got that going for you Wes...
I had just about given up hope of gleaning any nuggets from our current new guy. He settled in to our particular routine rather quickly and, though he's new with our department, he's been in the fire service for a little while, so he knows what's expected of him and how to fit in to life at a firehouse.
But then, last night happened.
Actually the call came in first thing in the morning, within minutes of our 7:00 AM shift change. It was for a woman in her 20's with abdominal pain. Both units (Engine 3 and Medic 3) responded since there's a high probability a call of this type will result in ALS care (read full paramedic skills) being needed.
Our new guy, let's call him "Dan" (especially since that's, you know, his name) was the passenger on M-3 meaning he takes the history, does the assessment and determines the course of treatment we'll initiate. He's also responsible for reporting to the hospital via cell phone to tell them what we found, what we've done, and to see if the hospital wants anything further done care-wise, and finally, documenting the call as a written report.
Since the young lady met us at the door of the building we were sent to (not unusual) and was immediately ushered in to the back of M-3 along with three of our crew members, I didn't feel the need to crowd in. Also, when we pulled up, we blocked in a delivery guy parked in the fire lane.
That's an added bonus that I delight in more than I probably should. Blocking in someone that's parked where they shouldn't be, that is. Hey they're called "fire lanes" for a reason, amirite?
However. as our actor (acting Lieutenant) and I were standing alongside the ambulance, behind the delivery van, I saw the back up lights come on, indicating this guy thought he could get out by backing along the side of the ambulance.
This was a poor idea imho.
I could have responded in one of two ways; either lighting the guy up and telling him he could sit and reflect on his poor decision making skills until M-3 was done or by telling him to wait while I moved the Engine out of the way so he could leave. Being the pleasant, agreeable, people-loving person I am, I chose the latter.
What? I'm pleasant as hell, dammit!
So, I relocated and as soon as we cleared from this call, we caught another and the day spun off into the type of day where we don't necessarily catch up with details of our goings ons until later on.
Which brings us to the dinner table last night. Figuratively. At least I don't think any of you have figured out time travel...
So, sitting around the table, talk turned to our first call of the day and I heard someone reference Dan asking the patient when she last had intercourse...
See the title for my reaction.
To be a little more accurate I think I used a word that is ofttimes used in place of intercourse and rhymes with a word in the name of this blog. No, not "relate"...
What, exactly, were you thinking Dan? His response was something along the lines of wondering if she might be pregnant. That, btw, is a reasonable query. One of the typical questions we ask of female patients between "16 and 60" experiencing abdominal pain, is "any chance you're pregnant?" This is relevant in developing a diagnosis as things like an ectopic pregnancy can be serious medical conditions and shouldn't be overlooked. Additionally, we're trained to ask when her last menstrual period was for the same purpose.
Now, I know the paramedic curriculum has changed in the years since I became one. I think many strides have been made to produce superior paramedics. I think it's more than reasonable to suggest that today's paramedic students come out on the street with a far better base of knowledge than we did back in the Stone Age.
But that particular question put me back on my seat and involuntarily produced my best Dad face. Which was instantly followed by nonstop harassment of young Dan. And more than a little ridicule. Of course, it was all in good fun. Dan's a pretty good cook, so you have to walk a fine line when it comes to verbal beat-downs. No one benefits from an angry cook. Least of all my palate.
Ahh new guys. Entertainment at it's finest.
Peace
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