Grandma Ellie

My Mom passed away last night.

Merry Christmas, huh?

Actually, upon further review, this was the best Christmas she could've had.

Allow me to explain...

Eleanor Marie (Rakow) Mains, was born in the house my grandparents lived in, in 1922.  The youngest of her family, she often talked about how my grandmother spoiled her and sheltered her.  That kind of set the precedent as it turns out, because after she and Dad married in 1942, he doted on her.  My Dad was the most patient person I've ever known.  A trait I wish I'd gotten more of. But he always took good care of Mom.  She was, shall we say, demanding at times.

And I don't say that as a way to run her down.  Mom had certain expectations and if they weren't met, you heard about it.  She was opinionated, stubborn and quick to anger.. But she was also quick to forgive and forget; loving and protective of those she cared about.

She often found herself the butt of jokes, a position she never feared.  Mom rarely drove.  She had a driver's license for probably 50 years but Dad drove everywhere.  The last time she drove, was when I was 15 and, ironically, she was taking me to school for a Driver's Ed class.

We ended up in a wheat field...

She just drove off the road...

We weren't hurt, she drove back onto the road and finished the trip, but that was the last time she drove.  That never stopped her from being a first rate back seat (front seat actually) driver.

Nor did failing eyesight.

By the time she reached her late 70's her macular degeneration had gotten the best of her.  She would often ask us who someone was, she wasn't able to clearly see their face.  But rolling down the road at 55 miles per hour she could "see" a car at a crossroad or coming out of a driveway and warn you

"Watch that car up there!"

We all applied the question Dad used many times, knowing the answer as he did.

"Do you want to drive?"

She'd laugh and say

"No, I don't want to end up in the wheat field again"

And we'd continue on our way.

Mom was an excellent cook, if you were willing to suspend the whole "healthy eating" movement of the last 40 years.  Everything Mom made, came with homemade gravy.

And it raised your cholesterol level when you looked at it.

And it was awesome.

There are so many things that she made, most of which have been passed down to family members, that it's not an easy task to choose, but to me, if the streets of heaven are lined with anything, it's vendors giving away Mom's pinwheels.  Pinwheels, for the uninitiated, are made from Bisquick and leftover roast.  And they are nirvana in a meal.  That was actually about the only way I ate vegetables when I was a kid, they were ground up so finely in the pinwheel mixture, I didn't care that I ate pieces of carrot and celery.

When Dad passed away in 1995, Mom continued to live in the little apartment they shared.  Even as her health slowly deteriorated, she stayed there, for 15 years, until she finally reached the point where she couldn't live alone anymore.  Mom, my sisters, brother and I looked at several assisted living facilities as possible new "homes" for her.  But none seemed right.  So sister number 2 decided Mom should move in with her up in northern Wisconsin.

My Mother the Cheesehead.

My sister had no medical experience whatsoever and she felt a little intimidated, I think, at least at the start.  But she did a great job with Mom and they adored their time together.  My sister often told me she felt bad, the whole time Mom was down here the burden of her healthcare issues; doctor appointments, hospital stays, runs to the pharmacy, well being checks, etc. fell on one of us and she was unable to help.  This, she felt, was her chance to help in Mom's care.  Mom flourished under my sister's care.  And I believe she did far better up there than she would have in any assisted living facility.

But, as Christmase Eve turned into Christmas Day and all the different family parties ended, it came time for Mom to go back to the hotel where they stayed during their visit.

Without going into details, Mom stopped breathing during the car ride.  The granddaughter that was driving her is an experienced EMT and did everything right, but Mom had had enough.

She was pronounced dead at the hospital.

So for her last Christmas, she was able to see most of the 16 grandkids and 28 great-grandkids and that was always her favorite part of coming home to Illinois.

But the best part, I think, for Mom was that finally after 17 years, she got to see Dad again.

What better Christmas gift could she ask for?

Here's Mom with one of her grandkids, pretty sure the date is accurate.

Rest easy Ellie, I love you and we'll miss you.