Tuesday, December 27, 2016

The year in review or, wait, we did what???

For starters, let's examine human nature.

Now, most of my writing takes place at a lovely, little, locally-owned coffeehouse.  Hey I've got nothing against the Pacific northwest based, coffee-based beverage, super, mega, global conglomerate with a mermaid in their logo, even if they refuse to sign on as the official coffee sponsor of this fine little blog.  I'd just rather give my hard earned money to a small business in the town I live or work in, you know?  I've fired a few of these off at work when time and/or call volume allow; and if the mood strikes while I'm out on the road somewhere, say with the pink fire trucks, I'll write there too.  But, especially for the last couple years, probably 85% of my writing takes place here.

Among the benefits of being a regular here is that pretty much all of the baristas know my order (16oz. in-house vanilla latte if you're taking notes) and (even if you're not taking notes, that's the order) always greet me warmly.  Most know me by name and that too is a nice touch.  There are multiple regulars here as well and, while I don't typically strike up conversations with them, we usually at least acknowledge the existence of each other.

And, some of my co-regulars have... ohhh let's say... quirks about them.  For instance; yesterday I stopped in briefly in between errands.  And I saw one of them.  A man, probably mid 40's, balding, apparently leading a mostly sedentary lifestyle if you get my picture.  He was in one of the overstuffed chairs (pot, meet kettle) with his laptop placed, oddly enough, atop his lap.  He was wearing what I can only describe as jammies and, I shit you not, had taken off his boots and propped his sock clad feet up on one of the other chairs.

Let that image sink in for a minute.

That's a fine position to be in at your own place of residence.  But in public?  Yikes.

And that's not even the worst example of classless, clueless, somewhat disturbing public behavior imho.

I will also present to you the following.  You know how most places of this type will have, for public consumption a variety of local newspapers, right?  This one does too.  It also has a regular, an older guy that, to look at him you'd see nothing out of the ordinary.  Sitting by himself, sipping his coffee, reading one of the papers.  Occasionally working the crossword or jumble or sudoku or whatever.  Until, of course, the bran muffin he ordered along with his coffee starts to do what it's intended to do and he heads toward the mens room.  With the paper under his arm.

Before you think I'm some kind of creeper, the only reason I noticed this behavior is because of the sheer volume of times it's happened.  I've seen it repeated probably a dozen times.  Every time I see him there it happens, like some kind of ancient ritual to the gods of defecation to ensure lower gastrointestinal health.  The only variance I've noticed is sometimes he'll put the paper back on the counter and sometimes he'll leave it at his table when he leaves.  I've never seen him take the paper with him out the door.

My suggestion to you is; never, under any circumstances, (save for watching them get delivered) read the free newspapers.  Remember kids, nothing is free.  Except maybe E coli.

Oh thank god.  I just looked up from this and not six feet in front of me is a little old lady that, I thought, was preparing lines of glitter.  Then she took out thread and started stringing something together.  Wow, that would have been a whole post in and of itself.

Ok, I'm gonna start to wrap this up, "poopy paper" just walked in and, cross contamination being what it is, well, I'm just going to reduce the odds, you know?

Oh wait, the year in review.

So, as it turns out this is 2016 in a nutshell -


That amber liquid you see at the bottom represents the Cubs winning the World Series while the rest of the glass represents everything else that happened in 2016.

Cheers.

And,

Peace

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