September 28, 2009

It's a Monday. It's the last Monday in September. According to Wikipedia, it's the 271st day of the year, with 94 days remaining. 100 years from now, history may look back fondly on September 28, 2009 as the birthdate of some famous, beloved, future of mankind changing person. Perhaps someone will discover a cure for cancer on September 28, 2009. Maybe a replacement for the internal combustion engine will be invented and with it, an end to pollution.

The possibilities are endless for the joy this day may bring to mankind.

But not for me.

This date has been burned into my consciousness ever since November 2004. I have dreaded this day every. single. day. of my life since then. Even when it's not in my conscious mind, it's there lurking in the shadows, whispering to me.

"I'm getting closer"

"Be here before you know it"

"Just around the corner now"

September 28, 2009 will mark the end of 2,321 days. All or part of 77 months. It's 85% of the 90 months that son of a bitch that killed the Blond Child got as his sentence. And it's wrong. He'll be out. He'll be free. Sure, he'll have to check in with his probation officer, but he did that the day he killed her. He checked in, then, even though he had no valid license, he took his Mom's SUV and drove to Dekalb to party with his friends. And then he drank. And smoked some dope. And drank. And decided he HAD to drive back to Lake Zurich. And crossed the center line coming out of a curve. And hit that little black car that she soooo loved. And rammed it almost into a corn field. He'll be out of prison. The Blond Child doesn't get that opportunity. She doesn't get 85%. She won't be getting "out". She can't go see her old friends to say "Hey, I really missed you, let's go hang out".

There's a blue sign at the spot now. A "Roadside Memorial Marker" is what the state calls it. The intention is to make people aware of the dangers of driving drunk by pointing out that someone was killed there. And I think it should help to do just that. But the reality, MY reality, is that it marks where everything changed forever. And believe me when I tell you , I'd trade everything I've ever had, everything I have now and everything I will have til the day I die to have the Blond Child and her Mom back. And I wouldn't hesitate.

So yeah, I really, truly hope something wonderful for all humanity happens on September 28, 2009. But for me, personally, I think it's gonna be a day I'd just as soon never happens.